Today's Lecture: TCC's Hierarchy of Hotness

(bell ringing) Class, please take your seats. We have a lot of ground to cover in a short time for today’s lecture. Welcome to Professor TCC’s class, “The Art and Science Behind Getting In…Or Not!,” formerly known as “The Art of Getting In: 101!,” previously referred to….ah heck, just sit down and take out your note pads!!!!

Before we jump right into “TCC’s Hierarchy of Hotness,” the importance of knowing your place within the “HOH” and how you can (or for some of you), why you can’t get in, I want to make sure we’ve covered all the bases with an introduction to the basics.  For today’s lesson, we’ll start by defining what “in” means in concrete, specific terms...or in a completely abstract, metaphorically intangible sense.

 ‘In’ can be an elusive, relative term that is often a moving target depending on where you fit within ‘TCC’s Hierarchy of Hotness,’ otherwise known as the social food chain. ‘In’ on a Saturday night is very different than ‘in’ on a Wednesday night. Maneuvering ‘in’ for XXXX’s (insert current A-list celebrity’s name here) after-party takes a different level of skill than ‘in’ for a regular night at the same spot! Got me?

Now that we’ve defined the “what” of in and established that just being there is not necessarily here (that totally made sense right?), let’s identify who can get in, or again not, and why. Like it or not, social food chains have existed long before any of us were here. But before I digress into a long discourse on the historical perspective of “the in-crowd in pre-historic days” (chap 1 of the forthcoming book!), what’s most important to know is that they are still alive and well.

Ladies, think “Mean Girls”

Bros, trust me, you’re always vying for a place in a perpetual Entourage!

Heck, even nerds know that every superhero didn’t have cool enough powers to be inducted into The Superfriends or The X-men!!!

These are real SUPERFRIENDS



These are real nerds!!!

Like it or not, CLIQUES RULE and whether you’ve been chosen to be in one or have chosen not to participate at all, both mean you are still part of one. Now the good news is that if you are attending today’s class, you want to change that and get into the game or take your game to a whole ‘nother level. 

I don’t want to give you too much to digest in one class, just in case you figured out you are a total social outcast (see pic above) and may need a moment to process that! Tissue? So I am going to finish out today’s class by giving you the categories of “TCC's HOH,” which we will begin to break down more in-depth in the weeks to come. Here they are presented in my own, highly technically constructed inverted Egyptian pyramid. Pay no (ALL) attention to the (subtly hidden) fact that it's a rainbow:

Obviously, the majority of people are at the top (which is really the bottom) and those select few, in the most coveted spot, grow fewer as you move to the bottom (which is really the top)! Not only did you learn some authentic Egyptian, you even learned some Economics today about the law of 'Supply and Demand.'

Check back this afternoon (and EVERY Wednesday) for your weekly Getting In Tip of the Week, aptly named, "In like Flynn" (yeah, you like that huh?) and until next Monday, class is dismissed.

Life's A Party, Can You Get In?

Updated class schedule...due to Texan National Holiday, Cinco de Mayo

Good afternoon my studious ones. Considering that this past weekend was Cinco de Mayo, a National Holiday in the country of Texas, Professor TCC is estatic that you showed up to class...and on a Monday no less!! Your self-serving desire to learn everything you can in order to pretend to be someone you're really not is....downright inspiring! I am shedding an emotional tear since I am freshly returned from "allergy shots" that don't allow my eyes to water...or blink.

Unfortunately, my die-hard patriotism to my country of TX, in keeping the spirit of C.D.M. alive with, well spirits, means that Professor TCC will need another day to recover and is giving you the day off. Yea, a snow day in May!!! Sadly, you will have more "homework" to make-up for it, which may include hitting 2 hotspots, rather than one this weekend in practicing tomorrow's lesson. I know, life just isn't fair! Now, I'm going back to enjoying my sweet open-eyed sleep...I mean, I need to finish amputting tomorrow's lesson together. See you tomorrow promptly at 10:30am!!!

Life's a Party! Can You Get In? (you will be able to soon...)

TCC

TCC Is Returning To His (real) Roots!

Hello my little chick-a-dees and cock-a-doodle dudes. It’s been a rainy couple of days in NY so I guess April showers bring…MORE showers in May! But never fear, May is also bringing some new installments on the 'CYGMI?' blog and….a big new surprise!!!

Whew, talk about busy! I just returned from a whirlwind publicity tour for my recent article in the NYT which, by the way, transformed me into an overnight international superstar!! Hey, don’t judge! Until you’ve been flanked by droves of people on the streets of NY, who instantly recognize you and immediately stop you and say, “hey, aren’t you that guy that had that article in the Times about…what was it about again?,” you will never know what true New York celebrity feels like! New Yorkers apathetically acknowledging “hey, it’s that guy!,” by New York standards,  is not far from the superstar status of being “The Donald.”

Anywho, if you haven’t been following my usual rants on FB or Twitter, they have been unusually strewn with celebrity sightings, touchings, kiss-blowings, so on and so forth.

(ck out my recent twitter post to see which celebrity I was sitting 2 rows over from at the new, star-studded Broadway revival of Tennessee Williams' Streetcar Named Desire)

 And yes, I have gone darker (hair color, not demeanor) for a brief stint.

Speaking of returning to my roots, one of my super-loyal blog followers recently mentioned to me, in as diplomatic a way as possible (as so not to anger the mythical creature known as “he who has no name when enwrathed by being accused of narcissism…at least to his face”), that perhaps my own personal star was beginning to outshine, or rather overshadow, the tutorialist  nature of what I originally intended ‘CYGMI?’ to be. He said even after loyally reading my blog, he still wasn’t completely sure if he had the necessary skills to get into somewhere “super-hot” (a.k.a. where he didn’t really belong) on his own yet. I WAS AGASP!!!! Me allowing my ever-growing celebrity to hog the spotlight from all of you, my co-stars? How could the bright lights of Broadway or the dark lens of my new, oversized Chanel sunglasses have blinded me so??? Could I really have been so insensitive and self-absorbed??? Ahhh, it was a hard pill to swallow, even with a champagne flute of Veuve!  But after some deeeeep introspection, some honest soul bearing and sitting Indian-style in the middle of the floor while chanting along with Angela Bassett as I  watched “What’s Love Got to do with It?,” I began to see clearly that I may have been starting to lose sight of my life’s work! The delicious nectar of my newfound fame may have deceptively caused me to abandon the reason why I started this blog in the first place: to grow all of you little grasshoppers up to Jedi Knight status, in the art of “getting in.”

Well grasshoppers…MESSAGE RECEIVED LOUD AND CLEAR!!!!

TCC hears you

           ...and CARES!!!!     

I, like Ghandi, have dedicated my life to the enormous task of putting the well-being of the lowly and down-trodden before my own, to share my teachings on how to waltz into the hottest new club or restaurant on just a wink and a smile!!! TCC may be many things and I’m sure most would agree that a perceptive listener has to be right up there at the top! So to all of you, my little grasshoppers who have felt neglected, and to the world really, I give you this gift:

I AM CREATING A NEW BLOG…….ABOUT……. ME!!!!!!!!! That’s right, I’m giving the world the gift of more ME! I’m your Oprahclaus because YOU get more me….and YOU get more me…… and Y-O-U get more me!!!!!!!!!! Are we all crying yet? Next week I will be debuting the launch of my new blog, The Consummate Concierge: The Making of a Celebrity Concierge! It will be devoted solely to keeping you thoroughly immersed in the spectacle that is my personal journey down the “yellow brick road to reality.” And since reality stardom is the ultimate goal, (***SPOILER ALERT***) the last episode will obviously be a shot of the big wooden doors closing behind me, as I enter XXXXX’s (my dream network here) executive offices to meet with the big execs to negotiate the deal for my own show. But until then, together we will share in the joys, triumphs and mishaps on the way there. It is going to be C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y unscripted, largely unedited and will feature my own, behind-the-scenes, personal videos of important meetings, events and every juicy detail I’d want to see if I was watching a show for some good, inside scoop. So just to recap for all my pretty, “just look at the pictures” non-readers:

NO MAS MI AQUI'!!!

The new blog I'm unveiling next week will feature ALL things TCC (as a celebrity) related, and effectively immediately, 'CYGMI?' is returning back to its original purpose of ensuring the betterment of your social status!!

So I hope you had a nice break because……CLASS IS NOW OFFICIALLY BACK IN SESSION MY DEARS!!!!!

Every Wednesday, starting next week, you must check in here to get your tip of the week (catchy name t.b.a) for the weekend, which you newbies will use for practice as you’re developing your ‘going out/getting in’ skills, and will give you pros a little extra edge over the stiff competition out there in the social jungle. But first, Monday’s lesson is going to teach you how to measure exactly how much social street cred you really have, to be able to determine where you fall within “The Consummate Concierge’s Heirachy of Hotness.” Until class reconvenes on Monday, enjoy your last weekend of blissful ignorance!